You’re a jackass. You’re lazy. You not only treat me like I’m secondary but you’ve told me I am. Told me with words, with actions, with subtle phrasing when you talk about what matters. You eat terribly, smoke too much, don’t bathe enough, and you’re selfish in bed. I’ve spent hundreds, maybe thousands on food and gas to see you. On your bus tickets. Your meals. Your movie tickets. Your gifts. And you forgot me. Forgot to answer, to call, to reply. To save money to visit. You forgot to try. Forgot that the boy I fell in love with and the boy I was with had to continue to be the same person for me to be happy. And thats another thing you forgot- to make me happy. That making someone happy doesn’t just happen. It’s not like magic. You don’t undertake a relationship thinking it’ll just work without work. That’s also laziness.
But the one thing you never were was mean. You never intentionally hurt me or put me down. The forgetfullness hurt. The laziness hurt. The selfishness hurt. But they were never arrows directed for me. The pain from that was just debris. But tonight you hurt me. You said things that you full well knew would cause me pain, pressed send, and then walked away from the computer.
So you’re not just lazy. or selfish. or a jackass. or forgetful. or mean. You’re a fucking coward.
I wrote all of that and then a week later found out you’d been sleeping with another girl behind my back for a year. You were never forgetful. You were cheating. You never hurt me unintentionally. Every second of everyday you were lying to me. Hurting me with a purpose. And maybe you cared, but you cared about you more. And maybe you loved me, but it wasn’t as much as you loved yourself. As much as I loved you.
I’m lucky you cheated on me, so I could see for myself what a shitbag you are. So I could learn how true it is that the only person I know worth trusting is myself.



