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30 Sep 2011

You’re a jackass. You’re lazy. You not only treat me like I’m secondary but you’ve told me I am. Told me with words, with actions, with subtle phrasing when you talk about what matters. You eat terribly, smoke too much, don’t bathe enough, and you’re selfish in bed. I’ve spent hundreds, maybe thousands on food and gas to see you. On your bus tickets. Your meals. Your movie tickets. Your gifts. And you forgot me. Forgot to answer, to call, to reply. To save money to visit. You forgot to try. Forgot that the boy I fell in love with and the boy I was with had to continue to be the same person for me to be happy. And thats another thing you forgot- to make me happy. That making someone happy doesn’t just happen. It’s not like magic. You don’t undertake a relationship thinking it’ll just work without work. That’s also laziness. 

But the one thing you never were was mean. You never intentionally hurt me or put me down. The forgetfullness hurt. The laziness hurt. The selfishness hurt. But they were never arrows directed for me. The pain from that was just debris. But tonight you hurt me. You said things that you full well knew would cause me pain, pressed send, and then walked away from the computer. 

So you’re not just lazy. or selfish. or a jackass. or forgetful. or mean. You’re a fucking coward. 

 

 

I wrote all of that and then a week later found out you’d been sleeping with another girl behind my back for a year. You were never forgetful. You were cheating. You never hurt me unintentionally. Every second of everyday you were lying to me. Hurting me with a purpose. And maybe you cared, but you cared about you more. And maybe you loved me, but it wasn’t as much as you loved yourself. As much as I loved you.

I’m lucky you cheated on me, so I could see for myself what a shitbag you are. So I could learn how true it is that the only person I know worth trusting is myself. 

9 Sep 2011

Exactly where I’m at with myself these days. 

Take It All- Adele

Didn’t I give it all?
Tried my best
Gave you everything I had
Everything and no less
Didn’t I do it right
Did I let you down

Maybe you got too used to
By having me around
Still how can you walk away
From all my tears.
It’s gonna be an empty road
Without me right here

But go on and take it
Take it all with you
Don’t look back
At this crumbling fool
Just take it all
With my love
Take it all
With my love


Maybe I should leave
To have you see
Nothing is better than this
And this is everything we need
So is it over?
Is this really you’ve given up so easily?
I thought you loved me more than this

But go on and take it
Take it all with you
Don’t look back
At this crumbling fool
Just take it all
With my love
Take it all
With my love


I would change if I must
Slow it down and bring it home
I will adjust.
Oh if only, if only you knew
Everything I do
Is for you

But go on and take it
Take it all with you
Don’t look back
At this crumbling fool
Just take it all
With my love
Take it all
With my love

31 Aug 2011

29 Aug 2011

fenrari:

Twilight - Summed Up

fenrari:

Twilight - Summed Up

29 Aug 2011

“When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake, and then it subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots are become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the desire to mate every second of the day. It is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every part of your body. No… don’t blush. I am telling you some truths. For that is just being in love; which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over, when being in love has burned away…”

2 May 2011

I seriously don’t know how I’m holding it together right now, or why I’m about to fall apart. What it wrong with me. 

7 Mar 2011

themonicabird:

“Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve. Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag.She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow. She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book. Buy her another cup of coffee. Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice. It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does. She has to give it a shot somehow. Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world. Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two. Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilightseries. If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are. You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype. You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots. Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads. Or better yet, date a girl who writes.”

Rosemarie Urquico (via kblitz)

(via conversationslips)

Rosemarie no longer has an active blog, but she can be found on Facebook here: http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/profile.php?id=585211028

To see the post about how she was found, please go here. Thanks to Jonathan  for searching!

(Source: blitzkreigkate)

3 Mar 2011

22 Feb 2011

Cutest valentines candy ever

Cutest valentines candy ever

17 Feb 2011

Today was keegan’s 21st birthday, complete with the most chocolate chocolate cake invented by man and captain morgan’s private stock.

Today was keegan’s 21st birthday, complete with the most chocolate chocolate cake invented by man and captain morgan’s private stock.